• Strike when the iron is cold” – if you’re still feeling upset or heated, wait for those “hot” feelings to simmer down so you can be open and receptive 
  • Do it at a time of day that works for all parties – when do you feel fresh, ready to hear someone else’s perspective? How about everyone else? Find an agreement. We’ve found that late in the evening is rarely one of these more “open” times
  • Don’t rush – if you feel this “must” happen “now,” it’s less likely you’ll have a productive conversation. If someone is pressuring you to have a conversation now, push back and set a boundary. This will benefit all parties. 
  • If both the facilitator and the other party are experiencing you as closed and unreceptive, accept their feedback and stop the process. Come back to it at another time when you can be open. 
  • If you are facilitating and you witness this, it’s your responsibility to stop the process
  • If you’re blaming / accusing others, you’re not ready to do this process. Work 1:1 with a facilitator to see what’s going on for you. 
  • If a wrong has been committed, for instance, if you have allegations around sexual harassment or discrimination, bring these issues to HR.
  • It’s important to be able to gauge how activated you are, and how open vs closed. Start a practice of checking in with yourself to gain awareness about where you stand.